The Closet
There are those among us who state that they are totally out of the closet with family, friends, and perhaps co-workers. Some of us may look at these folks with more than a little touch of envy. We may think it would be wonderful if we didn’t have to be so discreet about how we enjoy ourselves. One should take a few moments to think before taking that great leap out of the closet.
A good place to start is by asking what intrinsic good is accomplished by announcing to even limited segments of the vanilla world that you are kinky? What benefit to yourself or others will be achieved? There is a strong element of personal catharsis accomplished by coming out of the closet. That can never be denied. Often this personal catharsis is a good thing. One has to step beyond this point. Our personal relief is not something that stands alone. The moment we reveal our kinky side to the vanilla world, we lose control of what that world will do with that information. The vanilla world is free to treat such information any way they wish. They did not ask for the information, we pushed it upon them.
In a perfect world, those around us would always respect each other. They would appreciate the differences among us and see them as an enrichment of the whole. They would not see the differences among us as subjects of scorn, ridicule or derision. It is not a perfect world. Within our world of kink we are far from being as tolerant of others as we would like to think we are. Can we expect the vanilla world to treat our intensely personal information from an enlightened perspective? No. There is absolutely nothing binding upon the recipient of an unsolicited revelation. We have our expectations of course, but there is nothing binding. Once we present this revelation, it can easily become the subject of gossip, a cause for rejection or even malicious repercussions. Sadly, I have seen such things happen even within our world. I have met people within our community that actively gain the confidence of others so that personal information is revealed. Those same people then go out and “broker” those confidences to whomever they choose. Can we expect the vanilla world to be any different?
As human beings, we all enjoy scandal. We relish knowing that terrible secret about the person next door or across the street. Scandal about our co-workers is the gourmet menu of office gossip. If you decide to jump out of that closet, you could be jumping into the scandal machine.
Whether or not to come out of the closet boils down to a simple decision. You simply compare what you have to gain against what you have to lose.
The kink world benefits immensely due to the efforts of those who do come out of the closet in whatever manner. It does not matter if a person “comes out” by arranging a munch or arranging a news conference. We all benefit. The vast majority of people that take on some sort of "public" profile go a long way towards dispelling the myths that surround our kink. That is always a good thing. These people are true heroes and should be thanked for their efforts at every opportunity. It should be remembered that these people had to make some very difficult decisions and accept the responsibility for making those decisions. Some of those responsibilities have not been particularly pleasant.
The public members of our community have done a lot of work on our behalf which makes our world a bit more pleasant. Sometimes it is a pretty thankless role they have taken on. They will always have a public persona of being "different." That persona will follow them everywhere. They make it easier for all of us to be who we are. Respect their efforts.