Those Parties

Let’s talk about those parties. You’ve been to them and so have I. You know the type, the energy is wrong, or it’s off somehow, or the atmosphere is sluggish. It feels like no one particularly feels like having a good time, or they expect that others will entertain them. It’s the kind of party that as soon as you are there, you wish you weren’t or you wish something would happen, just to spice things up.

I’m talking about mood, and your attitude – and yes, mine too.

Recently I was at a party that had all the right elements, but turned out wrong. The lighting was great, the music wonderful, the food was delicious, the host and hostess were at their best.

But the atmosphere – well, it wasn’t so wonderful. Sloth assumed its place in the room and took over like slow moving molasses. The next day I had the opportunity to meet with other attendees from the same party and others that had attended similar parties and we discussed why this takes place, how atmosphere is created and lost and whether or not it’s recoverable. I think it’s relevant to this column and to my readers because it can apply in the same way to play parties or private home parties you may be invited to.

There are good hosts and hostesses, but it takes participants and invitees to do their part at parties. It’s just as important to be a good guest as it is to be a good hostess. Yes, you heard me, be a good guest or risk not being invited again.

When I’m invited to parties, or more specifically when I accept, I’ve already thought in advance about why I’m going, and what’s in it for me. For instance - does the party include both people I actually like and people that I’d like to meet? I try not to waste time – it’s too precious to me. If I perceive that I won’t have a good time, I don’t go. Are you the type that accepts every invitation? Ha! It’s a bazillion times worse to attend and be a pain in the ass or a drag on the energy.

The same holds true for play parties whether they’re public or private. If you have no intention of interacting, or talking to others, or participating even on a small level you shouldn’t attend. If you are ill, or have a hormonal day, or are consumed with problems at home, you shouldn’t attend. If you are expected to attend, and that’s your sole motivation for going, you shouldn’t attend. Why? Because everyone else in the room realizes you are there because you’re on autopilot - just because a date on a calendar said so. It's sort of like the walking dead, with no conscious decision to be made.

Don’t sit there and expect or hope that others will come to you, or others will entertain you – specifically the host(ess). Chances are good that you’ll be ignored by some and others will assume you’ve been invited to impersonate a potted plant. No one needs more potted plants and you’ll be off the guest list or avoided at further parties like the plague.

I dare you, at the next party that you’re invited to, whether it’s kinky or it’s not to do the following. Walk up to someone you don’t know, extend your hand, smile and say something like “I don’t believe we’ve met, my name is Clementine”. Well, only say that if your name really is Clementine, but you catch my drift.

This takes a minimum of effort. If you are thinking ‘well what do I say next’? If the person (people) you’ve just met offer nothing - and sometimes bumps on a log don’t, you can ask one or two questions such as ‘have you been here before’, or ‘how do you know the host or hostess’. If and when you need to extract yourself, you politely say ‘excuse me, nice to meet you’, and you move on. If they don’t jump in and begin conversing with you, it’s a clear signal that they either aren’t interested in you, or they are the potted plants mentioned in an above paragraph. Don’t wait to find out. If you spend too much time with potted plants, you’ll become one yourself.

I assure you – I swear that as hard as it sounds, it’s not. You can do this in less than two minutes. If you talk to someone with more than a flat liner personality, you’ll be talking for longer than two minutes. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist or be the life of the party, you merely have to do your part.

But how do you develop atmosphere at a party? Does it start with the guest list – a mixture of extroverts and introverts, but especially inviting those with discernable personalities? Or is it the sole responsibility of the attendee to not expect a tone but create it for themselves? Can you change the atmosphere of a party if things are a bit slow?

Before you create or accept your next party invite, make a conscious decision about who you’ll invite and which parties you’ll attend and leave your attitude behind.

I’ll see you at the next party!

I can be reached via email at Isabelle Channing. I welcome your thoughts!

Yours truly

Isabelle