Dungeon Monitors

Ever wonder why Dungeon Monitors (DM’s) appear at kink events? Ever wonder if the DM knows more than you do, less than you do, or do you view a DM as a demi-god or goddess?

I respect the role of a DM at kink events, but I think a lot of people are confused about their actual role at the events. Many will think it’s to stop fools or jackasses from going too far, and that’s only partially true. Here’s a story for you.

Once upon a time I was at a large kink BDSM event. A friend of mine was there and she’s a masochist. BDSM isn’t about sex to her, it isn’t about serving an owner, it’s all about getting physically hurt while trying to avoid emotional hurt.

She was there meeting a man that she’d played with before. He is lethal with floggers, and his skill is so unique that I don’t know anyone as good with a flogger as he is. He can make a flogger caress and he can knock others off their feet using one them.

They had gotten clearance from the ‘head’ DM to have a scene in a paddock that was typically reserved for upcoming pony races.

She entered the venue of her own free will and he did too. He was happy to demonstrate his skills, happier still to hurt her. Every masochist needs a sadist (and every exhibitionist needs an audience, etc., etc.). The scene began with light flogging and a short chase ensued, however things sped up once my friend spits at the top and tried to slap his face, followed by her being dragged by her hair, a kick or two coupled with verbal insults, and a vicious flogging. After a while she laid down and sobbed, deep racking sobs. I know her quite well and I know this is part of her process and that she needs this time so that she can regroup and continue on. She’s absolutely game for more, this is almost like the half-time pause for football team.

The DM comes charging in, some people watching the scene groan with frustration, others express relief. The scene is over. There is no arguing, the Top is savvy enough to realize that the DM’s word is final. The bottom is upset and not crying now, just upset that her scene is over.

Some whispered that the scene went way too far and that they were horrified that the DM hadn’t intervened on the part of the woman, others say that the Top was not the slightest concerned about his bottom, that he was abusive, that they cannot believe that the scene wasn’t stopped earlier so that new people didn’t get the wrong impression of BDSM being about abuse, etc., etc.

How naïve I thought after hearing these comments. Dungeon Monitors aren’t present to protect people, they are there to protect organizations. If you believe that DM’s are present to save you, or to save your Top/Daddy/Dominant/Owner, you need to put down the crack pipe and come to your senses.

DM’s exist to protect organizations from many things. They exist to protect organizations from those that would circumvent local law, and to protect the organization from various lawsuits. DM’s aren’t there to protect you at all.

In the above scene, the DM stopped the scene because there were rumblings within the viewing gallery that things were perhaps going too far, that it may be becoming offensive to some. Perhaps the organization doesn’t want to have to deal with the aftermath or the questions that will likely come from those that viewed the scene.

The DM usually doesn’t know the players – at least not well enough to know if they’ve played this way ever before, or if in fact the Top or the bottom have ever experienced the things they are currently experiencing. Build in the human factor of suddenly wondering if things have gone too far, and a DM will likely stop a scene.

In the above scene, the couple knows each other well, and I know from watching them play previously that she can take – and needs much more that was doled out publicly and she got it later in her hotel room in front of a few lucky onlookers – including me.

If you notice the rules that are typically posted or are on website or are handed out at the event, those rules have to do with laws pertaining typically to nudity, taking of pictures, and use of drugs among others. The rules have nothing to do with the sometimes arbitrary decisions of DM’s.

DM’s are a necessary part of a kink organization.