Safewords
Quick Stats: Do you have a safeword?
39% answered with an unqualified "Yes"
26% answered with an unqualified "No"
35% answered with a qualified "Yes" or "No" (sometimes have one, used to have one, etc.)
NOTE: Due to space limitations, only a portion of the responses are presented here.
- Yes I have used my safeword a couple times. Most of the time my Dominant knows me well enough to tell what is pushing limits and how far is too far. Only when the shock of something has jolted me from my space because it has gone too far will I use my safeword. Otherwise I put my all my trust in the hands of my Dom. The outcome is that He stops what He is doing but does not necessarily stop the scene - just moves on to another part.
- Yes Red/yellow/green for both Top and bottom. I have not used one yet as a bottom, as all the Tops I have played with have been competent. I have not yet had a safeword called when I have Topped, but I like to have that safety in case I misinterpret body language.
- No Answer The use of a safeword is like the handrail on a balcony: you may never need one, but if you ever do...hope it's there, or someone could get hurt. Not having a safeword only works in long-term, serious relationships. For occasional play, safewords, DMs, and negotiation are critical.
- Yes I have used one, because "no" can be sexy, because I am still learning the skills of dominance, and because no submissive has offered that level of submission to me. The usual outcome of safeword usage is an immediate move to warm-down and aftercare.
- Yes I've called "yellow" once during an impromptu scene - a leather belt with no warm-up. I reached my limit for stingy. I was very satisfied with the outcome. The focus of the scene changed and we discovered a very good position for !@#$ sex.
- No Answer Safe words and signals are an important communication tool. Learning to read your play partner takes time. Everyone has a first time with a new play partner.
- Yes I have used one when playing early in a relationship with my first trainer. This helped me articulate my concerns. I knew it was OK to give information that he may not yet be able to read from my body language, especially when I don't know what my reactions will be. The outcome was that the play eased up, we started a dialogue, and it helped to build trust.
- No There was a time when a safeword was used, as we built trust and explored new avenues of play. It was more of an open line of communication than a specific word. We have built a beautiful relationship filled with love and trust and a great deal of excited exploration. We are able to push limits and boundaries.
- No The first couple times I played, I was given a safeword, which I never used. The Dominants involved paid attention to my reactions, and checked on me often during scening. Communication was open, and the Dom(me)s were perceptive and skilled enough to judge when to slow down, when to stop, and when everything was a "go". Now, having been in a long-term relationship with my Dominant, there is no need for a safeword...we are very attuned to each other, and he almost always reads my reactions, regardless of how subtle they may be. If he isn't picking it up for some reason...I then become a little less subtle. It works!
- No Crying usually works just as well. Her Devine Shadow ignores me anyway and just keeps going.
- No Safeword? We don't need no stinking safeword.
- No I have used one before because I was uncomfortable in a position or not at all turned on by the type of pain being inflicted. The outcome was that the position was made more comfortable and alternative type of domination was employed.
- No Have occasionally used one when a slave has feelings of insecurity from previous encounters with dominants. The outcome is that quickly the slave feels safe enough that he no longer requires one.