June 28, 2004

A “prolific writer” my bio says. A prolific writer indeed! I think I used to imagine I was a prolific writer. Back in the days when I’d listen to sappy songs and imagine myself the misunderstood, long-suffering, heroine trapped in a sea of mundane Life chores. Work, home, kids, husband...convinced that it was only because of them that I hadn’t already penned a bestseller and the script for a “made-for-TV” movie.

I remember thinking that the computer would be my ticket to manuscript completion. I would put a cat on my lap, slip into some sort of cotton gauze dress in a tiny floral print, stack my unruly hair on top of my head with a Japanese pick or two, and sip cups of herbal tea with things like rose hips and verbena as added ingredients. I would load the CD player with haunting melodies and gaze out my garden window...bees droning in the background, the scent of roses wafting into the room. Magically, page after page of astounding literature would slide off my fingertips.

I don’t really know when I stopped starting Chapter Ones. I don’t know when I decided to stop trying to live life through my words and try it for real. I’m not even sure when it occurred to me that in order to write about Life convincingly you had to live it first. Heck...I don’t even own a cotton gauze dress in small floral print, Japanese hair picks, or a garden window. For that matter, I hate herbal tea!

I guess that it wasn’t until I started to gather stuff for this website that I realized just how long it had been since I’d written. How rusty I am...how hard it is to formulate thoughts into sentences that actually make sense. I suspect that as you get older your brain stops thinking in complete sentences and substitutes macros for day-to-day thoughts.

So...we’ll see how this goes. It strikes me that this is arrogant. To construct a website for an organization and then add a place where the founder gets to babble and rant. I’m not sure what I think about this yet....I’m not sure what others will think about it.

For now, I’ll take the plunge and write on. Bits and pieces of thoughts and opinions. Nothing too profound...nothing very earth-shattering. Just nuggets of me and my world....Fish Nuggets....