Personal tools

Rose Colored Glasses

The term “rose colored glasses” refers to seeing what you wish to see rather than what is before you. It is a form of denial.

Sometimes when we want something or someone badly enough we will look past the warts that are obvious to everyone around us and see prince charming or princess perfect.

Rose colored glasses taint relationships and create tensions and dishonesty. It is unfair to expect another to conform to the perceptions others try to push upon them.

In the BDSM world these glasses can be destructive in several ways. When we accept a submissive who wants more in the way of D/s or S/M than we have an interest in, we are already looking at them with eyes that look past the info provided and begin to envision molding them to accept less than their needs. When they look back at us knowing that we have no or little interest in fulfilling their needs they are also in denial.

Rose colored glasses will generally leave at least one of the parties feeling cheated or fooled.

In the BDSM world both submissives and dominants can be so devastated by reality when the glasses come off that there is a real danger they will turn their backs on the lifestyle for a very long time.

In the BDSM world it is incredibly important to always look through the eyes of reality and honesty. If we choose to wear the glasses out of desperation or excitement we are also making an unconscious decision to court emotional disaster.

Occasionally we make a bad decision and choose a submissive that will never be all we require. Just as often that same submissive has chosen us with the vague hope we will become who they desire. A recipe for an unfulfilling vanilla lifestyle is looming on the horizon if some really hard work and blunt honesty does not occur.

Beginning a BDSM relationship with Rose Colored Glasses leads to...

Second Thoughts

Second thoughts often run randomly throughout BDSM relationships. Many dominants just walk away in frustration when disobedience is constant and questioning is never ending. They begin to second guess their abilities to choose a compatible play/love mate.

Just as many submissives have second thoughts every day wondering if there really is any reality strong enough to fulfill their needs and desires. They often lose hope when dishonesty meets their vulnerability.

Second thoughts left to fester are always destructive but those same thoughts faced head on and discussed in honesty are the breeding grounds for hope and progress.

Small doubts can open new doors and be the beginning of new techniques or the desire to try new mind fucks. Larger doubts or consistent erosions of the natural flow between the dominant and submissive do not make me question my domination but they can cause me to question my choice of a partner.

It often troubles me to see others walk away from this lifestyle (even temporarily) because of the doubts caused by the interaction between them and their BDSM partner that is less than they perceived it would or should be.

Doubt within a relationship should be greeted not as unsolvable problems, but as opportunities for growth. I would suggest that working on the doubts as they come up rather than sweeping them under the carpet and hoping they will take care of themselves can turn a negative into a positive.

Running from them actually increases self doubt and adds to the doubts of the partner as well. Even doubting the validity of a relationship and making excuses for hanging on weakens each of the partners but letting go in honesty can add strength to what once was between them.

The complexities of life are stunning in their fragile beauty!

Creative Property of Mistress Marlene shared exclusively with Sagacity