Colour of Pain

I close my eyes and all I see
Is colour…
Like flames of pain
Licking at my heart and soul.
I writhe in torment
Unable to find peace.

Red and orange tinged with ochre
A sickly pea-soup green,
Churning, melding, sinuously.
Amorphous blobs of deepest black
Shift constantly,
Bursting like bubbles of pain
Into this neon nightmare of shapeless colours
Appearing the moment I try to rest.
There is no sleep for this broken-hearted one.

Where once I burned for you
With love and desire
Now I am lost
In a ravenous fire.

This is, I know,
My anger, my pain, my frustration
At what you have done to me.
Betrayal is not an easy thing to swallow.

I breathe slowly, deeply
Trying to visualize soft cerulean calmness
Into my tortured soul.
So far, I have not succeeded.
My teeth grind, my muscles quiver
No matter how I try to find elusive peace,
Forgiveness and understanding.
Still I weep and feel the constant
Pricks of pain
Digging into my thoughts,
Embedded like the thorns
Of a tightly grasped rose.

Adversity and pain, they say
Are what makes one strong.
I know that eventually,
Determined,
Like the phoenix
I shall rise
Triumphant and whole
From the ashes of agony
Into which you have cast me
Through circumstance and neglect.